I started going to church because my mom made me, but by the time I was in 9th grade, I went to church every time the doors were open because I wanted to—and for all the wrong reasons. For me, church was a social outlet, not something I considered part of my spiritual journey. It was clear that most of the youth group, including a particularly cute boy, were what would be considered “the good kids.” I watched them, and I adapted my words and actions so that I sounded and looked like them, but nothing in my heart changed.

“Sorry, something came up.” Most of us have heard or spoke that phrase a time or two. Plans change, and people let us down. Disappointment is simply a part of life. We have an expectation of what our day will look like, and then in a moment, it can change. Those unmet expectations that lead to disappointment can have the power to take us to dark places.

One time when I was a teen, someone told me I was a people pleaser. I looked and said, “yeah right! I don't need to please no one.” Then I got older and I caught myself pleasing people; doing what they wanted me to without talking to God.